Wonder Why I'm Still Here
by Nicole Lo
Summary: Miranda is holding onto life by a thin strand. Nothing is the way that it should be -- Lizzie is no longer her best friend. Gordo is ... and he's Lizzie's boyfriend. In a time when she needs them most, not one soul is there. (Will be rated R for later cha
1. Default Chapter

Wonder Why I'm Still Here  
  
Chapter One- Oh Fragile Flame, No One Sees the Same  
  
~Miranda~ So this is it. This is the last I'll ever see any of these people again in my life. Sounds good, right? No more snobs, know-it-alls, and worst of all, jocks. No more of them because I'm getting involved, for once, in my life and putting an end to it all, all the drama.  
  
I wonder if any of them will care or even notice. Why should I even care? They don't care about me and never have. But, still, none of them will care. They'll probably outcast my friends like it's a disease or something and then be like 'oh-well' she was a dead-end anyway with no future. No use crying over spilled milk, right? Especially if it's already spoiled.  
  
"Randa" My best friend Gordo said, calling out his "special" name for me.  
  
"Gordo." I replied as always.  
  
"So, are you going to meet us at the movies tonight?" He asked cheerfully, his light brown eyes shining.  
  
"Nope. I have homework." I lied. If he knew my real plans, he'd kill me . so to speak.  
  
"How do you know you have homework? Second period is just starting." He retorted as we walked into Spanish IV Honors, together.  
  
"I didn't skip first period, that's how."  
  
"Yeah right. Like you'd have the guts to skip." He whispered, calling me out.  
  
"I've skipped before."  
  
"Field trips don't count."  
  
"Uh." I grunted as I saw Kate and Ethan kissing, again. "That's like the nine hundredth time this year. You'd think they'd get tired of seeing each other."  
  
"You're just jealous."  
  
"Are you saying I'm not right?" I asked ignoring his comment. I had had enough "relationships" during Jr. high and Summer Camp.  
  
"No. You're right, but you're still jealous."  
  
"Don't start with me Lizzie." I said as she walked In and he rushed to greet her. 'So much for having a best friend always by your side, right?' I thought as I sat down and Mrs. Gomez began to teach, or at least what she called teaching.  
  
(A/N: This is actually the end of chapter one, but I will be giving a sneak peak of what's to come in the story. review! -NL)  
  
To Come..  
  
"So you'll meet us there then?" Erik-Michael asked me, over the phone as I began to think about the assembly we had today. Did I know anyone who had those symptoms? "Jacob."  
  
"Yeah, I'll be there . but I might be a little late. I've got stuff to do." I told him as the conversation ended and we both hung up.  
  
I know . Miranda had those symptoms, exactly, I thought, as I stopped looking at one of my old photo albums from Junior High. She use to be so happy, bright, and popular . everything she isn't now. And I use to be the opposite that I am now, otherwise I would've killed myself . I hope to God that's not what she's planning to do . she did say that she had plans after all.  
  
I took my car keys and walked to the door of my car, but decided against it. The Sandy Mountains, were just a few minutes from here . a ten minute walk or less. She probably wouldn't be here, but it's still worth a try.  
  
~Miranda~  
  
The Sandy Mountains . my place to feel safe, to be alone. No one ever goes there anymore, and if they do, I chase them away with one glance. That's the way it is when everyone around you has a small mind.  
  
'The only thing I'll miss about this place is this place' . 


	2. Innocence Can't Be Lost, It Must Be Mant...

Chapter Two- Innocence Can't Be Lost, It Needs To Be Maintained  
  
~Jacob~  
  
"You're late again Mr. Underwood." Mrs. Gomez said as the door opened and Jacob walked in. Ugh. He was the one person I hated more than Nancy and Taylor combined. He was just so fake and you could tell that he was just going along with them.  
  
"I know, but I have a pass this time." He said as he handed Mrs. Gomez his letter and she nods.  
  
"Very well. Go sit down." She replied as he took the only available seat, next to me.  
  
"Hey. You got a pencil?" He asked as I gave him an evil stare. It didn't work and he asked again.  
  
"Here." I said annoyed that he came to class without a pencil. He was suppose to be in college, and here he was, in high school for his fifth year, and he couldn't even remember to bring a pencil? Ha. No wonder why he's still here. He probably only got here because half the teachers think he has a good arm and the other half don't want to see him again next year.  
  
"Mr. Underwood, would you please share your poem with us?" Mrs. Gomez asked, bringing my attention back to Spanish. This was going to be interesting. Last time it was "Me Gusta Futbol' (I Like Football), what's it going to be now? I like to eat. (Me gusta comer.)  
  
"Actually, I didn't have time to do it. You see with the game all ."  
  
"I see. You need another referral." She said as I snickered and instantly regretted it. Something funny?"  
  
"Kind of."  
  
"Would you care to share."  
  
"No."  
  
"Why don't you tell us?"  
  
"Honestly, I don't feel like it. Can we just get on with the lesson so I can take a nap?"  
  
"Miranda, it's either share what you thought was so funny or get a referral!" She yelled as I shrugged. Either way it didn't matter. It meant less time in here, if I went, and I wouldn't be here for ISS or whatever they would give me this time.  
  
"Here. Both of you. To the office." She said as she handed us two referrals."  
  
"Hey. You dropped this." Jacob said, handing me my notebook with my most precious thoughts in it. Why I carried it to school today, I don't know.  
  
I took my notebook back from him without a word. I was starting to think about this afternoon, or maybe really late at night. I wasn't quite sure yet.  
  
"Don't I even get a thanks?" Jacob asked as I shrugged.  
  
"Why are you talking to me? We aren't friends."  
  
"So. It's called being nice."  
  
"Who taught you that one?" I inquired sarcastically.  
  
"I've always been nice."  
  
"Not to me."  
  
"Well, I'm being nice to you now, so get over it. Let the dead past bury it's dead." Jacob said, quoting Henry Longsfellow.  
  
"So that's what you're doing . letting the past be buried . Come on, be real. I know that your rep is scarred and if I know, then everyone else knows too. Sorry you've been busted." I replied as we reached the office. I handed the secretary our note and we sat down, waiting to go into the principals office. "Oh, this is going to be fun."  
  
"I know. Mr. Davis and I are great friends."  
  
"I thought we weren't talking to each other. Remember, we aren't friends."  
  
LATER THAT DAY  
  
"Where were you?" Gordo asked me, after the Assistant Principal gave us a "tall" and told us we'd have ISS next week. I guess Mr. Davis was too busy.  
  
"The AP''s office." I said as Parker walked up to us.  
  
"She seriously sent you there? I thought she was just bluffing." Gordo said with a smirk.  
  
"What's going on guys?" Parker inquired, already missing half of the conversation.  
  
"Nothing. Miranda here just got herself ISS."  
  
"Again? Miranda, you've really got to work on your charisma." Parker lectured, as usual.  
  
"Sure, whatever you said." I retorted in a little less than enthusiastic tone.  
  
"Good. Now, let's go to the assembly."  
  
"What assembly?" I questioned as Gordo shrugged and Lizzie came over.  
  
"It's about teen suicide, I think." She said, trying to match my near monotone voice.  
  
"Oh." Parker uttered, trying to clear the awkward silence that was going on.  
  
"Well, I'm not going." I finally said Gordo looked at me for the first time since Lizzie had come over.  
  
"Why not? It's not going to hurt." Lizzie put her two cents in.  
  
"I don't want to hear a bunch of fakes telling me something I already know. It's all a bunch of bull shit anyway."  
  
"I know what you mean. Suicide is so yucky. I don't see how anyone could to that to themselves. We all have our hard times . that's life." Lizzie remarked as I fought back the urge punch her in the face. Ugh! She was so fake. I can't believe that Gordo can't see it.  
  
And I swear she must've been born blonde because she has no common sense. She's been a senior for what three years now.  
  
"I think we should all go." Parker stated, looking my direction. Uh- oh. I forgot about the time I talked to her about dying and not having anyone care.  
  
"Fine. I'll go, but there's no guarantee that I'll stay awake." I said as Parker and I started to walk into the gym.  
  
"We're going to be . around." Gordo whispered to me as Lizzie started to giggle.  
  
(A/N: That's all. There isn't anymore .. @ least for this chapter. Please review!! -NL) 


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three- It's A Private Emotion That Fills You Tonight  
  
~Parker~ "So, what did you think about the assembly?" I asked Miranda as she rolled her eyes in response as we left the building. "I'm so glad we have early dismissal." "Me too." "So, are you going to the movies with us tonight?" I inquired. "I have things to do . homework and such."  
  
"Jacob might be there?"  
  
"So. You're the one with the crush on him. I can't believe that you've still have a crush on him. How long has it been . eight years?" She asked as I walked to my car. "Seven!"  
  
"Like that's much better!" Miranda yelled back and hopped into her car. "See ya!" I shouted before she closed the door.  
  
~Miranda~ 'See ya?' Yeah right. This is the last time you'll ever see me in this life Parker, so take a good look at me now. Later, they'll just be an empty space. Suddenly, someone knocked on my window. I started to down the window, thinking Gordo had finally come to his senses and dumped Lizzie. I instantly realized that I wrong. It was actually Jacob Underwood. Great. "What do you want?" I asked, crudely. "Can you give me a ride home? My brother already left with the car." He explained, trying to make me feel sorry for him. "Sorry, I have someplace to be." I lied, as I cranked up the car and started to reverse. "Please!" He begged as I immediately stopped the car. Jacob Underwood had just begged someone to do something for him. For a moment, his cockiness ceased to exist. "Get in." I whispered, in a defeated tone. If this wasn't the dumbest thing I've ever done . "It's right here." He said as I stopped the car. "You know, you should change your mind and go to the movies with us tonight. I hear the Scorpion King is gonna be good." Jacob uttered as I rolled my eyes. "Could you get out my car." I asked, growing tried of his false attempts to make amends and become my new best friend. Gordo was neglecting his duties. "I'll see you tomorrow at school then." He replied, closing the car door. I didn't even wait to make sure that he got in safely, which I normally did. That bastard had already made me late . off schedule. Now, I'd have to make a new plan within an hour. I just in the middle of an excellent plan, that just might work, and then my car phone started ringing. "Hello?" "Hey Randa. What you up? " Gordo asked, as I heard giggling in the background. A female giggling . Lizzie. I really hated her. "When are you getting rid of the dick-sucking ditz?" I asked, unable to hold my true abhor for her in any longer. "Randa, you did not say that. Forget what I was going to say to you . I can't believe that you're being such a jealous bitch!" He yelled back, defending Lizzie and leaving me out in the dark, like he had been doing too often lately. "Don't ever call me a bitch. You're just to blind and stupid to see it. If you were a true friend, you'd learn to listen, and manage your time equally. Ever since you and Lizzie got back together, you've been blowing off me, Parker, and everyone else. You're such a hypocrite. When I did that in Jr. High, you gave me a two-hour lecture of how superficial and selfish I was being and look who's doing what now." I calmly retorted, despite my urge to cut off his perfect golden locks and punch is face in a couple of times. "Randa, this is different. This is love. I love-" He began, but I hung up. Like I needed another speech on how much he loved her and wanted to marry her. According to him, Lizzie was his "soulmate." Doesn't that sound romantic.  
  
~Jacob~ ON THE PHONE "So you'll meet us there then?" Erik-Michael asked me, over the phone as I began to think about the assembly we had today. Did I know anyone who had those symptoms? "Jacob." "Yeah, I'll be there . but I might be a little late. I've got stuff to do." I told him as the conversation ended and we both hung up. I know . Miranda had those symptoms, exactly, I thought, as I stopped looking at one of my old photo albums from Junior High. She use to be so happy, bright, and popular . everything she isn't now. And I use to be the opposite that I am now, otherwise I would've killed myself . I hope to God that's not what she's planning to do . she did say that she had plans after all. I took my car keys and walked to the door of my car, but decided against it. The Sandy Mountains, were just a few minutes from here . a ten minute walk or less. She probably wouldn't be here, but it's still worth a try.  
  
~Miranda~ The Sandy Mountains . my place to feel safe, to be alone. No one ever goes there anymore, and if they do, I chase them away with one glance. That's the way it is when everyone around you has a small mind. 'The only thing I'll miss about this place is this place' I thought as I walked over the bridge and over to the mountains. First, I looked to make sure that the place was deserted, which it was, as usual. Good. The sooner I get this over with, the better.  
  
~Jacob~ I guess you can say that I have good timing . I've always had it. It had taken less than five minutes to get there, and I was extremely happy about that. From the distance, I could see a dark-haired girl moving really, really close to the edge of the cliff. The wind was blowing really hard too . to hard. "Miranda!!!" I yelled as I ran as fast as I could to the edge of the cliff. She stopped walking and looked at me. It was more like a glare. "Go away and leave me alone. Just pretend like you didn't see any of this!" She yelled back as she started walking closer towards the cliff. "No. I won't." I said as I grabbed her body and pulled her to safety. She started kicking and punching, but I didn't loosen my grip. "Get off me. You jackass! You have no idea what you're doing. Leave me alone Jacob!" She continued angrily. Right about now, I was wishing that I had brought my car. "Why would you be so stupid, huh Miranda? You have more going for you than our whole senior class combined." I explained as I slung her over my shoulder. She started pounding on my back. "Don't judge a book by it's cover. Everyone else has people that care in their lives. I don't even have my parents." She whispered a little while later, after she had stopped pounding on my back which was still throbbing. "You never stopped and looked around. All those people that were you friends in Jr. High still love you. You cut them off." "Sure, blame me. Everything that is wrong with the world is all my fault, mine single-handedly." She remarked sarcastically. "Miranda, would you get over your anger and hate long enough to realize that you have more than I could ever wish for. Sports and popularity can only take you so far. Don't throw away everything . not yet. You haven't even given life a chance." "Life hasn't given me a chance." "Are you telling me that after all this, you're still going to pull this bull shit tomorrow?" I inquired as she shrugged. I felt her tiny shoulders move. "I wish you would put me down." Miranda said as I stopped walking pulled her off my shoulders. She started to run and I chased her. "Miranda! Wait!" I yelled, following her into a cemetery. She stopped running. Good thing. I was out of breathe.  
  
~Miranda~ "I miss you so much." I mumbled to my older brother who had been killed by a drunk driver. "I wish you were here." "Why did you stop?" Jacob asked, as he followed my gaze to Erik's grave. "I'm sorry." "You met him, didn't you?" I inquired, trying not to cry in front of Jacob. "No." "You missed out on a beautiful person." I began. "He was the glue that kept our family together. Neither one of us could stand our parents, but he made like bearable. He raised me . he was always there. And it cuts like a million knives to know that I should've been in that car instead of him:." I admitted to myself. "No. Everything happens for a reason. Obviously, he meant a lot to you, and he wouldn't want you to die with him, to be buried in that coffin." Jacob said harshly. Tears spilled over my eyes and I turned away. Damn it. He saw them. "Miranda ." Jacob began, but I turned away. Tears were a sign of weakness and I was being really weak right now. "Can you please go?" I questioned Jacob, after I had wiped away all my tears. "Do you promise not to try anything like that again, if I leave?" He inquired back as I nodded. "Oh, and Jacob." I began as he stopped and turned around. "Don't tell anyone about any of this or I swear you won't be around to watch me jump off the cliff." I threatened as he shook his head and walked away, quietly. Erik, I need you, I thought as tears started rolling down my cheeks again.  
  
~Jacob~ It's amazing how a few minutes can change your life, how you feel about someone. I never knew that Miranda's brother died, or even that she had a brother. She must've really loved him because the only time I ever saw her cry . actually, I've never seen her cry. I use to hate her, think that she was a stupid bitch, but now, I know better. I know that she's struggling to find herself like the rest of us, but life's thrown her more obstacles than I've had. She just reached her limit, but I hope that she realizes that she's worth it. She's worth the gift of life. This is one of God's many gifts to us and we can't take it for granted, not even for a second. We that have survived eighteen years or more are lucky. Thousands die a day, but we're the few chosen ones that live, that get to see a new tomorrow. Now, thanks to me, Miranda will see a new tomorrow, and hopefully will have a new future. I want her to live happily ever after, like the do on Disney, if that exists. 


	4. Chapter Four

Chapter Four- Let Your Private Emotion Come To Me  
  
~Miranda~  
  
It's a brand-new day and I'm here to see it thanks to that asshole, Jacob. He always ruins everything, well, everything that's really important. It's another day of a harsh reality, not brother, no true friends, no love in your life . the only thing I have at this point is my belief in God, but right now, I'm still mad at him for taking Erik away. I don't think I'll ever get over that, EVER.  
  
~Parker~  
  
"We had so much fun last night, didn't we Gordo?" Lizzie asked he boyfriend. Everyone else thought they were disgusting, but I thought they were cute. Aww. I wish I had someone like that.  
  
"Yeah, did you get your work done Randa?" Gordo inquired, pulling Miranda into the conversation for the first time this morning. Lizzie was sure keeping him occupied.  
  
"Yeah. I was such great fun too." She replied, my voice dripping with sarcasm.  
  
~Miranda~  
  
"What's up with you?" He asked, confused.  
  
"I had a bad day." I said, watching Jacob walk closer and closer to me.  
  
"Hey Miranda." Jacob uttered, happily. I flicked him off.  
  
"Kiss my ass." I replied.  
  
"Whoa. What happened between you and Jacob? Parker asked as if he were Michael Jackson or something.  
  
"Nothing." I mumbled.  
  
"I think he likes you." Gordo teased as I gave him and evil stare.  
  
"I wish you guys would leave me alone." I remarked, as Gordo, Parker, and even Lizzie followed me to my locker. "What is this?" I mumbled to myself, picking up a small note I had found in my locker. I didn't even read past the first sentence. It was from Jacob. Ugh.  
  
"What did it say?" Lizzie asked nosily.  
  
"Why don't you tell me?" I inquired as I tossed the note at her. Gordo pried it from her hands.  
  
"It looks like I was right. Jacob says that he's not sorry about what he did yesterday and that he isn't going to leave you alone." Gordo whispered to me as Parker's eyebrows wiggled. Lizzie giggled.  
  
"It's not funny. I hate that stupid asshole. I wish he'd get a life and leave me that fuck alone." I uttered, angry at all of them for being so . simple. And, I was even more angry at him for putting me on the spot like this.  
  
"I hope you have fun during first period." Gordo teased.  
  
"Isn't Jacob in that class?" Lizzie joined as they continued to laugh. Finally, they walked away, hand in hand.  
  
"I hope you don't plan on going out with him." Parker muttered, a flash of jealousy crossing her face.  
  
"Of course not. Do I look like I like him, even the slightest little bit? You can have him." I spat out as we took our seats.  
  
"Good."  
  
  
  
"Class, today, we are going to start working on our unit about India." Our history teacher, Mr. Thompson said, waking me up from my nap. Damn it.  
  
"I thought we were working on the United States." Parker remarked. Even though she one of my close associates, she really got on my nerves in class. She was such a suck-up, a teacher's pet.  
  
"Yes, but I thought we'd take a little break from that. After all, we've been getting American History since Elementary School. I just want to expose you to different cultures. It's a big world out there." He explained.  
  
He continued to rag on about this and that . stuff I'd already knew. Unlike many of these simpletons, I'd already seen half of the world. I didn't need some pathetic, clueless history teacher to tell me stuff that I already knew.  
  
"So . who do you want to work with . Miss Miranda?" Mr. Thompson asked as I shrugged my shoulders. "Come on, you must have a preference."  
  
"Okay then . Parker." I said without looking around.  
  
"You have to pick a guy."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because you always pick Parker, and I would like everyone to work with someone different."  
  
"Why don't you just pick our partners or make us draw crap then?" I questioned him, growing impatient.  
  
"It's easier this way. Do you have a preference?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Okay then, which one of you young fellows would like to work with Miss Miranda?" He asked as everyone looked away. Good. It looked like I was going to get my way after all.  
  
"I will." I heard Jacob's voice say.  
  
"Okay . Miranda and Jacob it is."  
  
"No. I will not work with him." I yelled, my voice filled with rage.  
  
"Yes you will. Miranda, a few minutes ago, you didn't care."  
  
"No, I won't."  
  
"Would you like to take this up with the principal."  
  
"If it gets me away from you jackasses, then fine." I retorted, not able to hold my tongue.  
  
"That's it." He uttered, handing me a referral.  
  
"Oh, that's original."  
  
"I hope you know that if you get one more of these, you'll be suspended and that does not look go on a college application." He whispered. I shrugged. My parents would figure out a way to get me out of this. They wouldn't allow their "daughter" to not go to college. It would make them look bad. 


	5. Chapter Five

Chapter Five- You Don't Answer When I Phone, Guess You Wanna Be Left Alone, So I'm Sending You My Heart, My Soul, And This Is What I'll Say  
  
~Miranda~  
  
"Miranda, honey, we got another call from your principal." My mother, Marie  
  
"And you were finally here to receive it. Congrats mom." I replied sarcastically.  
  
"Miranda, that is no way to speak to your mother." My father, Fred said as I rolled my eyes.  
  
"Okay . so what are you going to do about it?" I challenged, knowing that I was pushing my luck.  
  
"If something like this happens again . what's it called honey?" Marie asked Fred.  
  
"A referral."  
  
"Yes, thank you . a referral, then we'll be forced to send you to boarding school." I snorted.  
  
"You aren't serious, are you? Do you actually know of a boarding school that would accept me?" I asked, pulling the carton of OJ from the fridge.  
  
"Yes. There are many boarding schools for children like you." Fred replied as I drank from the carton. Marie looked at me, but didn't say anything.  
  
"So, basically, if I voice my opinion to another teacher, which I have the right to do, according to the constitution . what's it called? Freedom of speech, you'll up and send me to an all-girls school because I've become to opinionated, and am not the lemming you wanted me to be."  
  
"Miranda. You know we've taught you better than this." Marie said, astonished that I had said what I had just said.  
  
"Actually, you haven't. You've never been around enough for Erik and I. He is . was the only one in this family who cared enough about me. You two are just . here, just wasting air, wasting my time, but don't worry, as soon as I make it off to college, if I get there, then you'll never have to see me again." I uttered, taking some Potato Chips with me to my room.  
  
"Miranda! We're not through here!" My father yelled as I stopped in my tracks and turned around.  
  
"K. Shoot." I retorted nonchalantly.  
  
"You're grounded!" My father growled as if it were the worst punishment in the world. I shrugged. I never really went anywhere on the weekends anyway, and as long as they had another business trip, or something to keep them out the house, everything would be okay.  
  
"Miranda! Phone!" My mother yelled as I walked into the kitchen.  
  
"I thought I was grounded."  
  
"It's Jacob . calling about the project you missed today, you know the one you missed today." She whispered, trying to make me feel guilty. She'd failed. I picked up the phone, smiled, and hung it up.  
  
"Oops."  
  
"Miranda. Call that boy right back, right now and apologize. That was very rude." She lectured as I gave her a face, but obeyed her rules anyway.  
  
~Jacob~  
  
"Hello?" I said.  
  
"Jacob. I'm sorry I hung up on you." Miranda answered. It sounded to fake, phony . rehearsed. There was no way in hell that she would be apologizing on her own free will.  
  
"Okay. Well, we're behind. When do you want to stay working?"  
  
"I really don't care."  
  
"Oh-kay then . how about tomorrow at six?" I inquired.  
  
"Can't."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"I'm grounded."  
  
"Honey. This is a school project. Sure you can make it." Mrs. Sanchez yelled out in the background.  
  
"Fine. Where?" Miranda asked in a defeated tone.  
  
"I hadn't thought that far."  
  
"Well, it's not too smart to call someone, set up a study-date, and then not plan out a time." She scolded me. "Mom. I can't make it after all."  
  
"Sure you can. You two can meet here. It's no problem at all." Mrs. Sanchez intervened, and I was thankful.  
  
"We're meeting at my house at six." Miranda told me. Just as I was going to say okay, she hung up on me. Great. I guess this was how things were gonna be. 


	6. Chapter Six

Chapter Six- Cause You've Flown Away, So Far Away  
  
THE NEXT DAY ~Gordo~  
  
"Hey Randa. Long time, no see." I said as she continued walking as if she didn't even see me at all. "Hey, wait up."  
  
"Why? It's not like you care." She mumbled as she made her way through the crowd of kids and past the door.  
  
"I do. You know I do. Where do you get off with an idea like that?" I inquired as she walked towards the parking lot. I don't know why because she hadn't brought her car to school that day.  
  
"Gordo, just leave me alone. Why don't you understand that I just want to be left alone?" She asked angrily as tears brimmed in her eyes.  
  
"Randa, what's wrong?" I questioned her, my voice turning serious. "You wouldn't understand and you're too busy to care . it's not important anyway." She explained, wiping away the tears that tumbled down her cheeks like snowflakes in winter.  
  
"You're like a sister to me and I love you . how can you say that?"  
  
"Maybe honesty isn't number one on your priority list, but it is on mine."  
  
"Randa, honestly, I love you and I want to know what's wrong with you? Why are you crying all of a sudden? You never cry." I whispered as she walked over to a deserted area, under a tree.  
  
"I don't know what's wrong with me . I can't explain it. I'm sad all the time when I should be happy. You know I have so much and some kids don't have anything. I'm just being selfish." Miranda uttered as she sank down into the grass and the tears reappeared.  
  
"There's nothing wrong with you, it's called being a teenager."  
  
"No, it's not. Just shut up and console me Gordo. Don't try to make up excuses for the way I feel." She demanded as I smiled and gave her a hug. I didn't get much out of her, but I guess just being there, even if it was in silence was enough for her.  
  
~Miranda~  
  
"Where have you been?" Marie questioned me as I walked into my house.  
  
"I went grocery shopping."  
  
"That doesn't take three and a half hours."  
  
"I know. It takes a half hour, at least to get home when you're taking a ride with Gordo and Lizzie, and then I had to walk down to the grocery store and pick up a few things, including what you asked me to get a couple days ago. That took about an hour." I told her, setting my bag down momentarily.  
  
"That takes you until four. What have you been doing for over an hour?" My mother asked, hands on her hips.  
  
"I've just been around."  
  
"Around?"  
  
"Yes around? What do you want me to say? Do you want me to lie, I'm really good at that." I replied, sarcastically.  
  
"Miranda, you've kept your guest waiting."  
  
"What guest?" I asked, not having a clue what she was talking about.  
  
"Jacob Underwood. Remember honey, your study date?" My mom whispered, looking happy, too happy. Did she think I was going to marry this guy or something?  
  
"Okay. Where is he?" I inquired, making sure that my mom could not see my recently tattooed belly. She had had a fit when she first saw the belly ring and I didn't want her to have a heart attack, at least not today when I was already having a bad day. I'd save that for when I was having a good day. Besides, I was already in enough pain, when I might add did the trick for my little emotional outburst with Gordo. Thank God for needles and ink.  
  
"Took you long enough to get here. I thought that you stood me up." Jacob proclaimed, standing up as I walked into the room.  
  
"Standing you up would require a real date . don't get any ideas. Now, what do I have to do?" I asked as my stomach started to throb. 'Pain, something I related well with' I thought as an adrenaline rush came over me.  
  
"Are you okay?" He asked. I guess I had scrunched up my nose or something.  
  
"Fine."  
  
"Did you just get something pierced or something?" He whispered as I shook my head, but showed him my new tattoo. "Cool. Did it hurt?"  
  
"Take a wild guess." I retorted sarcastically. "You know we're off subject here." I mumbled as I pulled down my shirt and plopped down on the couch, wishing that more than a foot of space was separating us.  
  
"Would you like anything to eat or drink?" Marie interrupted, grinning idiotically.  
  
"No, I've fine. Thanks." Jacob replied, waving her away. "Your mom is really nice."  
  
"Naw. She' s just trying to play Mrs. Brady. It's really giving me a headache."  
  
"If you're feeling bad then we can postpone this or set up another time to do this. We have three weeks to finish this." He explained.  
  
"Oh God! Are you serious?! You mean I have to put with your fake bull shit for almost a month?" She yelled, not really caring if my parents heard or not.  
  
"Miranda. Enough. Apologize right now!" My father, Fred said as I rolled my eyes.  
  
"No. That isn't necessary, I mean, it's okay. She has every right to be angry with me." Jacob defended.  
  
"That still doesn't give her the right to be so rude towards you."  
  
"I'm sure she's sorry. Miranda doesn't have to say anything. That's just the way it is nowadays. It's not like I take any of this stuff personally."  
  
"Are you sure it's okay?" My father asked, confused.  
  
"Positive." Jacob answered, drawing my father away.  
  
"Thanks." I whispered, not wanting to let my guard down for a second. I knew his kind and any second, he could just change up on me.  
  
"You're welcome."  
  
"You know we aren't going to get anything done." I mumbled, not expecting him to hear me.  
  
"I know. Figured as much. That's why we'll be meeting again, another day."  
  
"Please don't day tomorrow."  
  
"Naw. We have a game tomorrow. Maybe on Monday or something." Jacob replied as he got up and walked towards the door, looking at me as if I was suppose to escort him or something.  
  
"Show yourself out!" I yelled, running into the kitchen to grab a bag of Doritos.  
  
(A/N: Thanks to the two hour special of Buffy the Vampire Slayer for making me so emotional and inspired to add this chapter . well part of it anyway. The last twenty minutes was a killer. It almost had me crying . if I were a good writer, I'd write some Buffy fictions, but I need to finish these first. lol) 


	7. Chapter Seven

Chapter 7 -If I Could Fall Into the Sky, Do You Think Time Would Pass Me By THREE WEEKS LATER  
  
~Jacob~  
  
"Miranda!" I shouted, through the hallway. She stopped and looked at me like I was crazy to be talking to her. "What?" I asked, confused.  
  
"You're so gullible Jakey." She replied with a smile. "Where you headed?"  
  
"Football practice."  
  
"I managed to get everything out of your system but the jock stuff." She mumbled, hooking her arm in mine.  
  
"Football is highly underrated."  
  
"Football? Yeah right. You must've really hit your head hard." She said, referring to last weeks game.  
  
"Whatever . so you wanna come to my practice?" I asked nervously. Miranda and I were cool now, but we were far from being best buddies . or anything more.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Moral support."  
  
"I don't know." She began to say, but I gave her the 'puppy dog' look. "K. You reeled me in." She admitted as I smiled. "Where do you practice?"  
  
"At the practice field. Duh."  
  
"I know that, but where exactly is the practice field?" She inquired. I told her where it was and explained it several times, but she still didn't know what I was talking about.  
  
"Just meet me outside the boys locker room around three."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"You know where that is, right?" I joked as she hit my arm, playfully.  
  
"Of course. Duh." She replied, mimicking me.  
  
~Miranda~  
  
"Hey Miranda." One of Jacob's teammates said to me, looking me up and down. I waved politely even though I wanted to kick him in the balls. He was at least the tenth football player, today, to look at me like that and I didn't like it. I'm not use to guys looking at me like that, especially if I barely know them.  
  
"Jacob. Took you long enough." I whispered to him as soon as he came out of the locker room. He smiled apologetically. "Where the last one left or something?"  
  
"No. Next to last." He retorted, seemingly proud.  
  
"You seem proud of that."  
  
"Yep. For once I'm not last." He uttered as I smiled.  
  
"Good luck out there." I said, looking at all the other guys who were about three hundred pounds and Jacob was barely ninety.  
  
"I'll be fine." He replied as he jogged over to the rest of his teammates.  
  
"What are you doing here?" Gordo asked, sitting beside me. I shrugged. We hadn't talked for at least three weeks, ever since . my breakdown. "I'm here because of Lizzie, if you're wondering . and let me guess . Jacob brought you here." I blushed. "I told you that you can't hide anything from me."  
  
"Where have you been? I haven't seen you around." I stated, kicking myself for actually talking to him. I was suppose to be mad, but Gordo had a way of making you forget why you hated him in the first place.  
  
"I'm sorry about that." He apologized. "How'd I know you'd give me shit for that?"  
  
"Because you know me that well."  
  
"Are you going out with us tonight?" Gordo asked I as shook my head.  
  
"I know it's rare that you invite people to come along with you and Lizzie, but I'm just a little busy and my parents basically have me on lock- down." I explained.  
  
"Please, Randa. I know you can get out of it somehow."  
  
"I wish I could, but boarding school does not sound too good to me . not during my senior year anyway." I replied. I knew that I could sweet- talk my parents into letting me go, but tagging along with Gordo and Lizzie, again, would give me a weird since of deja-vu.  
  
"I'll see you around then." He said, disappointedly, giving me a hug. "And stop with the disappearing act."  
  
"You're the one that's been hiding in deserted areas with Lizzie."  
  
"How'd I do?" Jacob asked me after practice had ended.  
  
"I don't know . good." I lied, as he wrapped his arm around my waist.  
  
"Good? Please, I was the best out there."  
  
"You wish." I mumbled as he gave me an evil stare. "What? You wanted honesty." I continued.  
  
"You don't know anything about football."  
  
"Actually, I do."  
  
"And that is?" He challenged.  
  
"That you suck at it." I joked as he let go of my waist and started to walk away. "What?" I asked, feeling guilty.  
  
"Nothing." He replied as I shook my head. "You going out with us tonight?" He inquired, out of the blue.  
  
"Who's us?"  
  
"The football team, cheerleaders . Gordo will be there."  
  
"I don't know. My parents have me on lock-down."  
  
"So call them." He demanded. I took out my phone.  
  
"She doesn't believe me." I whispered as he took the phone.  
  
"Hello, Mrs. Sanchez . Yes this is Jacob . she can go?" I grinned. "Have her back anytime before twelve . sure . no thank you."  
  
"I swear they love you."  
  
"Who wouldn't?" He asked cockily.  
  
"So basically, if I want to go anywhere, I'll just get you to talk to my parents. They think you're a saint."  
  
"I am." He joked, hugging me.  
  
"Eww! Get off. You're really sweaty." I screeched, mimicking Lizzie.  
  
"You know you love it." He joked as I started to feel this weird tension between us.  
  
Author's Notes:  
  
So far, I've gotten five reviews!! Yah! That's not really a lot, but it's better than one, like three of my stories have . anyway, much thanks to everyone who actually read the story AND reviewed. I'm not quite sure where I'm going with this . never mind, I know what I'm going to do now. I just don't want to make it too predictable, you know? I'm a major sap, but all the love stories on this page are getting annoying. I mean the ones that don't have any other element. At first, I was cool with it and loved it, but now it's getting old. It's being over- used. How many different ways can you write about people falling in love . and be sure that someone else hasn't thought of any uncanny and/or similar if not identical story? I admit, I still write 'love stories' if you want to call them that, but my stories have three dimensions, not just one. In this story, as you know, Miranda tried to commit suicide, which begins a whole new life with new challenges. In "YOUSA BAD GIRL" . well that's a long story, but it's starts off, seeming like a typical love story, but evolves into something big. Last, the "And the World Becomes Flat Again" trilogies are all about living life to its fullest before the timer goes off and you're gone. Thanks again, and if you really like this story, please read another one of mine, or recommend it to someone else. By the way, I should have another chapter up before Monday.  
  
Nicole Lopez 


	8. Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight- If I Could Just See You Tonight  
  
~Gordo~  
  
"What's going on with Miranda and Jacob? Looks like he finally got enough balls to ask her out on a date." Lizzie snorted with a laugh. It wasn't funny. Miranda lied to me and said that she couldn't go, but as soon as golden-boy over there asks her, she forgets everything just to be with him . including me. "Are you okay honey?" Lizzie asked me as her hazel eyes turned soft in an instant. She lightly touched my arm, which would normally give me shivers all through my body. Not this time.  
  
"I'm just a little tired." I lied.  
  
"Tired? Ash we just got here. Don't tell me you want to leave already." Lizzie whined with a frown.  
  
"No. We'll stay for as long as you like." I gave in as she gave me a huge smile and a peck on the lips.  
  
"That's my boy."  
  
~Miranda~  
  
"This is a really good place to bring me. You know, with all the drugs and alcohol around . it's really tempting." I complained. Honestly, I hadn't been having a good time at all and I still hadn't seen Gordo yet.  
  
"You're not having a good time?" Jacob inquired, confused.  
  
I shrugged. "Could be worse . have you seen Gordo around?"  
  
"Nope. I'm sure he's here though." Jacob reassured me.  
  
"Yeah, and making out with Lizzie in a corner." I mumbled as I bumped into a short girl with long, brown hair. "Excuse me."  
  
She gave me a phony smile. "Miranda. I didn't know you'd be here." Lizzie said cheerfully, giving me a hug as if she hadn't seen me in years.  
  
"Well, here I am." I replied, matching her phony tone. Jacob gave me a side-wards glance (with an eyebrow twitch), and I fought back the urge to laugh out loud. "Have you seen Gordo?"  
  
"Duh. I only came with him. He's not feeling to well." Lizzie explained, which was basically code for 'stay away from him unless I'm around.'  
  
"Do you know where he is now?" I inquired, not believing the words that were coming out of my mouth at that moment. I was suppose to be mad at him, but I couldn't. Gordo was like my best friend. Actually, he wasn't like my best friend, but my best friend.  
  
"I'll take him to you." Lizzie offered with another cheesy smile.  
  
"Did you mind." I asked Jacob who shook his head and brushed some of my hair off my face. I almost swooned. Almost.  
  
~Gordo~  
  
"Where the hell is Lizzie?" I mumbled to myself irritated at her for the first time in a while. If she had been tired then we would've left in a heartbeat. Sometimes I love being with her, but then there are those times when I think 'damn, how the hell did I get into this.'  
  
"Gordo." I heard a voice call out to me from inside. I got up from the lounge chair on the patio.  
  
"Lizzie?"  
  
"No. It's me." Miranda retorted as I turned around. She really looked different. I had never seen her in such happy clothes. It was kind of freaky. Miranda in the color yellow. I shuddered. "Lizzie told me you were tired . is this a bad time?" Miranda asked, adding to the awkwardness of this situation.  
  
"No. I kinda need someone to be around while Lizzie's out mingling with everyone." I admitted as she pulled a lounge chair directly across from me.  
  
"You look like shit, politely, you know." Miranda admitted as I playfully flicked her off. (A/N: Thanks to 'Life as a House' for line.)  
  
"I really don't want to be here." I complained.  
  
"Why? Isn't this your scene?" Miranda questioned me as I shook my head.  
  
"I only come here because Lizzie wants to and-" I started, but she cut me off.  
  
"And, you got a little something out of it, am I right . Gordo, you should really consider dumping her." Miranda suggested.  
  
"And you should get rid of Mr. Underwood." I shot back, pissed off that she was trying to tell me what to do with my life.  
  
"I'm serious about you dumping Lizzie." Miranda continued, ignoring my comment about Jacob.  
  
"No . No. Lizzie and I have been through too much together and I can't bare the thought of living without her. I know it sounds corny, but I can't let go. It's so familiar being around. It's always GordoandLizzie. I forgot what it's like to just be Gordo." I admitted as she nodded.  
  
"If you don't know what life's like without her . never mind. I'm not Dear Abby."  
  
"You sure as hell ain't." I spat out truthfully blunt.  
  
"What the fuck does that mean?" Miranda inquired, beginning to get defensive.  
  
"You're too amazing and beautiful." I whispered, looking away.  
  
"Was that a line?" Miranda asked with a smirk.  
  
"Did it sound like a line?"  
  
"Yep." She retorted as Lizzie and Jacob walked in.  
  
"It wasn't." I lied. "Hey Lizzie." I uttered, licking my lips and then lightly nibbling on hers.  
  
~Miranda~  
  
"So your first big party was a bust?" Jacob asked concerned.  
  
"It wasn't my first big party, but it has been a bust." I explained as he wrapped his arm around my waist and we left Gordo and Lizzie to be alone. They were too involved with making out to notice.  
  
As we walked to Jacob's car, I could feel the tension I felt earlier grow. I shivered.  
  
"Are you cold?" He asked as I nodded and he handed over his Letterman's jacket. "So this night was a bust?" Jacob inquired, brushing a curl out my face.  
  
"Yep." I answered as I looked into his eyes with a smile. He brushed another lock out of my face and brought his lips half-way to mine. Jacob paused a second, to see if I would back away.  
  
I couldn't. We were silent except the breaths that came out his gasps. I leaned in just a little and I felt his lips press onto mine. Jacob stopped for a little while, leaving my bodying desiring more. He finally stopped teasing me and kissed me again, this time nibbling on my lip, until I heard myself moan.  
  
~Gordo~  
  
"Are you coming?" I asked Lizzie after she had finished reapplying her lipstick for the fifth time since Miranda and Jacob left the patio.  
  
"Yeah." She replied with a smile. Lizzie looked irresistible tonight. And those little make-out sessions of ours had fully rejuvenated me. I was wide awake. At least I was wide awake enough to see Jacob kissing Miranda.  
  
I heard her groan and then saw tongue. I had to turn away. It was good to see that Miranda wasn't thinking about suicide, but I didn't want her to be thinking about Jacob either.  
  
"Gordo." Lizzie whispered as she walked over to my side and jumped into my arms. She was truly drunk tonight. That was a good thing. It meant that I could get my mind off Miranda, for now.  
  
~Miranda~  
  
As Jacob pulled away, I felt a blush. The happy feeling that ran through my body didn't last long. I looked past my window, to Gordo's car. He was still here . and so was Lizzie. The windows looked steamy and I heard screams as we passed. Lizzie's hand swiped the window. How Titanic. She was the only person who could ruin my good mood and she had, I thought as I plumped back into the passenger's seat, angrily. I hope that Jacob didn't notice. ~~ (u) 


	9. Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine- The Fire's In Their Eyes And The Words Are Really Clear  
  
~Gordo~  
  
"Randa." I called out to my best friend, trying to catch her before the warning bell rang.  
  
"Gordo." She replied after I caught up with her.  
  
"You okay?" I asked as Randa nodded. "If you're pissed at me for something, I should be pissed with you."  
  
"Why should you be mad at me?"  
  
"Don't play games Randa. You told me that you weren't going to the party and then you show up with golden-boy over there." I explained as she sighed.  
  
"I don't even know why I'm about to explain this to you, but I am. I told my parents about it and they said no when they thought you invited me, but as soon as Jacob got on the phone there were like 'go ahead honey.' She rolled her eyes as I nodded not really sure if she was telling the truth ... I still didn't bad about accusing her of lying. "What happened last night?" She asked me.  
  
"What do you mean what happened?"  
  
"You and Lizzie. I thought you guys were breaking up."  
  
"Where'd you get that idea from?" I inquired. Randa could make up some stories when she wanted to.  
  
"Don't fuck with me Gordo. You know you're the one that told me." Miranda rolled her eyes. As I was about to respond, Jacob walked up to us.  
  
"Hey." He wrapped his arm around Miranda's waist. She smiled, but she didn't say anything.  
  
"Whatcha up to?"  
  
"Nothing. Me and Gordo are just chillin'." I hated when Randa started to act like she was some body else. Why couldn't she just be real.  
  
"That's cool." Jacob replied. "Are you coming tonight?" Randa turned her head away from me, Jacob whispered something, and she started to laugh. Soon, they were talking to each other and I was just tagging along.  
  
"Randa." I whispered, but she ignored me as Jacob started to rub her lower back. "Later." I declared a little too loudly, walking off. I was so fucking pissed. I couldn't even explain it . she was screwing me over . replacing me with that .  
  
~Lizzie~  
  
"What's wrong honey?" I asked Gordo. He looked so sad. It was killing me- bringing me down.  
  
"Randa's being a bitch." He mumbled.  
  
"Yeah right. What did you do?" I rolled my eyes.  
  
"I didn't DO anything. She's the one that's running off with the golden boy and acting like I don't exist."  
  
"I'm sorry." I tilted my head and pouted. All this emotional bs was getting on my nerves.  
  
"I mean she totally blew me off." I sighed.  
  
"Don't let her get to you. Give her time. She's actually making friends." I started to play with his hair.  
  
"Hey!"  
  
I smiled as he cupped my face and kissed me. Now that was more like it. I knew how to get rid of bs really quickly. Especially when it came to Miranda . she was so annoying.  
  
~Jacob~  
  
After school, I walked into the locker room to get changed. I had just talked with Miranda and things were going great between us. She completely understood where I was coming from and if she didn't, she wasn't really judgmental. I can't believe that the world almost lost her. I smiled to myself and pulled off my shirt.  
  
I had tuned everything out, but now I heard a lot of laughing, again. The guys were just gossiping. Yes. Guys gossip too. I rolled me eyes and went to see what they were talking about. Most of the time with was just made up shit, but it beat just lounging around doing nothing. I immediately heard Gordo's voice.  
  
"Dude, she totally is."  
  
"No way." Mark argued. "Miranda was like a total outcast. She's a virgin."  
  
Gordo grinned slyly. "See, that's the big mistake that everyone makes. Randa wants you guys to think she's borderline Virgin Mary. In reality, she's a hoe." My jaw narrowed and I heard myself speak.  
  
"Gordo stop telling them all this fake shit. You know Miranda's clean."  
  
Gordo jumped off one of the sinks he had been sitting on. "So, she hasn't gotten you yet." I kept my mouth shut and continued to change. "Or . maybe she has, but you're just trying to cover your own ass." Mark smirked.  
  
"Just shut the fuck up." I kept my voice even.  
  
"Or what?"  
  
I pushed him and Gordo's body jerked backwards. He turned around and smirked and then charged at me. I moved out the way and Mark stayed between the two of us so that nothing happened.  
  
"Don't get into this now. Practice starts soon. Chill out. Both of you." I walked away and started to pace. How could he talk about his so- called best friend like this. What an asshole.  
  
The entire team walked out into the field. I told Miranda to meet me after practice, so she was probably going to be there. I smiled to myself. "What are you grinning at?" Gordo tried to get on my nerves.  
  
I ignored him and waved at Miranda. "Oh, the slut's coming over tonight, is she?" I pushed him again. Immediately after, I felt a deep pain on my left eye. I didn't give him another chance to hit me. I charged at him and we continued fighting.  
  
The coach was yelling at us the whole time and I heard Miranda start yelling too. Two guys finally pulled us apart. Blood was leaking from both of us. Miranda started yelling shit at both of us.  
  
"What would possess you to do this?" She turned to me.  
  
"Ask your asshole friend."  
  
Miranda gave me a puzzled look and turned away from me to Gordo. He shrugged, but I felt him throwing evil looks in my direction. I started to walk away, against the advice of all the other guys on the team. I heard footsteps running after me. I swear, if it was Gordo, he was going to get his ass kicked.  
  
"Jacob." I stopped as I heard Miranda's beautiful voice.  
  
"What?" I sighed.  
  
"Why did you do that?"  
  
"I was protecting you."  
  
"Protecting me from what?" She wondered.  
  
"Gordo."  
  
"What did he do?"  
  
"He called you a slut."  
  
"Oh." Miranda whispered. I could tell she was hurt. And for a moment, she let me see that. Her expression hardened. "I can protect myself."  
  
"I know."  
  
"You really fucked up back there." She touched my face. "Everything is pissed at you, including me. You're probably going to be kicked off the football team."  
  
"So?"  
  
"So. Football is your life."  
  
"What if I want another life?" She shrugged.  
  
"If you don't have to football, then what do you have?" I kissed her in response.  
  
"I'll always have you, right?" Miranda kissed me back, unsurely at first, but as we kissed again, her confidence grew.  
  
(A/N: I haven't written anything for this story for such a long time that I forgot what was going on. I hope you liked this chapter. It was little short, but short's better than nothing. Anyway, so is really crazy right now, but somehow I made time for this. I'll be writing more to about five of my other stories, so check them out!! -NL) 


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